Friday, March 22
my mind is a mess. i am dreaming up possible realities and future scenarios to happen in my life, even though i know they can't be real. and if i'm not thinking of what i want to happen in the future, then i have a really bad habit of reminiscing too much. so far, the only thing i can do to prevent this is to distract my mind by pondering other things. so that's what i've been doing for most of this spring break. i just sat around. it's depressing when you don't see anyone you recognize.
and i got no work done. well, i guess i can say that x-manager doesn't seem to work well with windows 2000, so i couldn't work on cs. that's my lame excuse. yes, it's inadequate.. but it's still my excuse.
*sigh* i've been feeling really alone and stranded lately. seems like the more i try to understand things, the less other people understand me. perhaps i'm not so easily satisfied by people as i used to be? it just seems that people are in actuality more distant from me, and from each other, than they appear. and the distance is just growing. i wish i knew how to reach out. i wish i could be understood... but i know i don't have much that's worth understanding. *sigh*
everything is so meaningless.
here's my question to the world... what is real?
Will // 3/22/2002 07:12:00 PM
Wednesday, March 20
hey, i finally know how imitation crab is made. rather interesting... yup, so my mom's friend runs/owns this imitation crab making factory so me, my brother, and my mom went to go visit. so to make a long process short, they basically take liquified fish and turn it into a long band which is then rolled up and cut into the little pink and white things we all know and love. haha... um, ok. i think i'm bad at story-telling.
well, afterwards we went to this sushi place that was really good. and they had huge pieces of sushi there. mmmm.. more fish. yeah, so sushi is good stuff. ir's pretty light, not greasy or too heavy. yep.. i guess the only good thing about CA is the food. and emily called me on my cell while i was waiting around after i finished eating. darn girl disappeared for a month or so... but it was nice to hear from her. thanks for calling emily =)
i also bought the 2nd moulin rouge cd today. woohoo! everyone should go and get it. good stuff, good stuff. i like the "your song" instrumental track. it's a really pretty song... i really wish i could play piano now. =P i don't want to wait until summer to begin learning guitar or something. i want to finish my songs NOW. and no, i'm not whining.
so i guess today was the only day of this break that i will have gone out on. but ah well... it was kinda good to sit around and think. i finished writing my thoughts on love and human nature. they also provide the logical proof of God. shoot.. i just realized that i could click the link button on blogger instead of typing that html out... oh well. go read peoples! and give me your opinions/reactions.
hm... so i've been watching more tv the past few days than i have been the whole semester. pretty sad. oh, i finally caught smallville yesterday! i DLed the first 13 episodes... but it's not quite the same as watching it on tv. yeah.. i love clark. he's such an awesome character. i find him pretty easy to relate with. now if only i could be strong, lightning-fast, and selfless. yup, he's the ideal guy. hahaa. hrm... i think i've written this already... but oh well.
gosh, i really need to start catching up on work and studying... *sigh* i'm so bad...
Will // 3/20/2002 10:06:00 PM
Sunday, March 17
i'm in irvine now. and i am being reminded of how restricting my parents are. gosh, sleeping at 12 is considered too late. but then again, all the "freedom" at college can be pretty restricting in itself. yeeaap. interesting right?
so i had quite an exciting night/day on friday. i left campus around 5ish to head up to the chicago suburbs where i would be spending the night. but i guess i ending up spending the night going all over the place. so me, calvin, bryan, and bryan's cousin first went up to northwestern to hang out and play pool around 11, 12ish. then i guess they decided that they felt like cruising around the towns around evanston to show me the north suburbs that i've never really seen before. there were some pretty nice houses over there... gosh, i really feel like designing/building my own house now. it'll be another one of my life goals. hahaha.. j/k.
anyways...calvin also needed to get a key from his sister who goes to rush medical college... so that's where we went. yup... we went to chicago. the skyscrapers, lake michigan, and lake shore drive are really pretty at night. and it's strange how long it's been since the last time i was there and some of it is pretty scary late at night. sometimes, it's not the dark areas of cities that are scary. but rather the well-lit deserted areas. it kinda gives the effect of an abandoned ghost town. but then again.. we prolly looked like an asian gang, with 4 asian guys packed into a black honda civic. =P so yeah... i was in 5 different colleges in one day: uiuc, northwestern, loyola, uic, and rush. hehe... that's the most college visiting i've ever done... and i'm not senior in HS anymore!
so our ride back home was fairly eventful too. =) hehe... it looks like some people *cough cough* aren't too familiar with changing tires.. cuz guess what happened last night? we got a flat driving on the highway at 4 in the morning. and i was laughing (silently i think) as bryan reached in the glove compartment to pull out the car manual. hahahaha..... fortunately.. or unfortunately, a police car pulled up behind us within a couple minutes.. just in time to embarass us. nah, it was all good tho. we were up and running within a few minutes. hopefully some of us learned how to change a flat. =D it's a good skill to know... along with learning how to use jump cables.
well, anyways i'm tired. we almost pulled an all-nighter... except for the 2,3 hours we slept at 10 in the morning. hahahaha.... and i was knocked out on the plane. i fell asleep before the plane even took off. pretty nice huh? i was in irvine before i knew it. =)
my brain is fried too. still trying to make sense of what's going on inside of me...
but sometimes life just doesn't make sense.
Will // 3/17/2002 03:06:00 AM
Friday, March 15
mmm... i'm done packing for spring break. i think i'm packed to the max... got my 2 suitcases, duffel bag carryon, and my messenger bag. and they're all about to burst... hehe, gotta try to bring back as much stuff as possible to make moving out at the end of the year easier. gosh, after spring break, i only have 1 and a half months of school left!!! omyy... time flies by soooo freakin fast. i know i've said this plenty of tiems before, but every time i say it, it seems time stomps its foot on the acceleration pedal even harder. haha like my use of personification? ; )
and wahoo! IL just won its first round win. very nice game, winning by 29. i'm glad to see that they're playing well when it matters.
Will // 3/15/2002 05:12:00 PM
Thursday, March 14
hey, i finished my physics exam. it's strange how i feel relieved when i take that test. i'm not saying i'm awesome at physics or anything... but it's just that it's one of the things i don't hafta worry about my grade it. unlike math. so for once, my not-studying caught up to me. and i did bad. very very bad. =( so i think i will drop the class and pick up another physics class instead. i hope i can do that. i really hope i can. i'm taking another math class anyways. i don't feel like taking 2 at a time. 2 physics classes seems more manageable.
yep... so maybe i have learned my lesson. and maybe i'll start studying. for real this time. i'm serious. i guess i've just been waiting for this to happen. stupid stupid stupid me. i feel like kicking myself. and ouch.. my ankle has been bothering me today for some unknown reason... i couldn't possibly have injured myself by walking to class =P haha, then that'd be my excuse for not going to class everyday. i guess i don't hafta kick myself anymore.
well, i'm heading over to CA saturday afternoon. i should be happy about break. but i'm not. moving to california without getting a chance to meet anyone is a rather uncomfortable situation. seriously, i'm just gonna sit on my butt all week. with absolutely NO chance of meeting up with anyone i know. sucky sucky.... i think i will be reading a lot. and writing possibly. and definitely webpaging. =D *sigh* i don't even want to think about summer vacation. maybe my parents will let me visit NJ again?
i also watched 2 episodes of smallville just now. yep.. i DLed them... good stuff. well, kinda. i'm sorta disappointed with movies and tv shows in general. this includes smallville. but there's something about it that keeps me interested. i guess i find it interesting how they have some clever, as well as some not so clever, foreshadowing of clark kent's future. and for once, a tv show has a character that doesn't have a skewed sense of morals. unfortunately, nobody is ever fully and correctly understood.
i wish i could be understood.... but i know most people won't try to. how disappointing.
Will // 3/14/2002 03:40:00 AM
Sunday, March 10
oops.. i almost forgot about this blog. so these past weeks have been hectic. i was scrambling to learn all the math i was supposed to have covered this semester over a period of 3 nights. fun stuff. then there was a GE exam right after i finished my math exam... fortunately, i think both went fairly well. i guess i've been lucky to not have messed up any exams due to my lack of studying... but i really need to learn some discipline and get some good work habits.
so one more week before spring break. but i'm not excited. the only reason why i'd be somewhat happy is that i'd finally have a week without an exam. after my physics exam this wednesday, i would've had 6 straight weeks with at least one exam each week. i am not a happy camper. not that i camp, but i guess it's just not my idea of enjoyment.
well, school doesn't bother or worry me all that much anyways. so there's something that's been on my mind today. that "something" has been on my mind for quite some time now... but i guess today just really made it obvious and unavoidable. so today pastor peter gave the sermon at sunday service today, and spoke about something very relevant to me. have you ever heard a message that seemed like it was directly to you? well, that's what happened today.
mark 12:28-44 was the passage.. the one where the teachers of the law ask what the greatest commandment was and Jesus answered it was to love the Lord your God and the second was to love neighbors as yourself. and the story of the poor widow who gave 2 small coins, which was all that she had, as offering was in there too. pretty simple, right? that's what i thought.
but then Pastor Peter went on to say that God looks at what we keep, not what we give... looking at what remains in our hearts. my initial response was just thinking "oh of course, but everyone still has their sinful nature. giving everything to God is just a goal... something none of us can ever attain." then he asked a question with 3 specific examples, "are you giving everything to God? or are you still holding onto people, time.. 2 hours of time, or your future?" my eyes snapped wide open and i'm not sure if i jumped a little, because it seemed like God was speaking to me directly. not in a good way... but it was like he was reprimanding/rebuking me directly. i realized that the answer for all 3 was a cold, hard "yes."
yes, im holding onto people...not purely out of love for God, but for selfish reasons. yes, i'm holding onto my own time... i can't even keep my lent commitment of giving up 2 hours a day. and yes, i'm not so sure if i'd be willing to put my future in God's hands. i guess i just realized how my vain attempts at believing that i'm always trying to do the right thing was just a coverup... i know i never really tried to give up those things... and i'm not even sure if i can do it now. even after all this was exposed.
so somebody please just shoot me now. i don't know what i'm doing...
Will // 3/10/2002 07:36:00 PM
Tuesday, March 5
hm... nothing feels real...
well, i don't have time to think about this tonight. gotta study.
maybe more on this later.
Will // 3/05/2002 05:16:00 PM
ah crap... why do i always do this to myself? i have 2 exams tomorrow... and i have yet to really study for them. and i found out about one of them just yesterday! omyyy.... so yes, i must kick this slacking habit or things will not look good for me later. stinkin math and GE. i hate exams. as far as i can tell, though... this week is the end of my streak of exam weeks - that is, if there isn't an exam i have yet to hear about next week. uh huh... so i must finish my physics prelab here.
at least i haven't been working day and night on my webpage anymore ; ) but that means no updates.. not til after wednesday (exams day) anyways.
oh, and i tried to cut someone's hair again. took a while. but i think i'm getting the hang of it. yeeaaah...
and i should really finish my physics prelab now.. i already overslept this morning's lecture. i would say oops... but it was a premeditated thing. ok right. physics prelab... and i'm off.